Chapter 8

I begin to write more and more. No one read these for I kept them hidden away but they were my release of all the things I needed to say.  Words are so tiny yet make such a difference on how we survive life. I got better at my cheap classical guitar and wrote more songs. It actually for the money had a wonderful soft sound. I had a friend that I started hanging out with named Bob...Yes another Bob... He was blonde and sensitive and encouraged me to play more. Him and I would sit and listen to Jim Croce songs and soon I bought a book that contained many of his great songs.  I begin playing lots of his stuff and saw for the first time a 12 string guitar. Bob and I were great friends and though I lost track with him through the years but he was an influence and inspiration for my creating music early on.

I begin dating a man who was into 4 wheeling.  We had a blast in his jeep and he let me drive it and even race it with him at the Sandblast that our town had. I ran the obstacle course and the sand drags. Tim was great and for my birthday bought me a 12 string guitar. I couldn't believe how great the songs sounded with the harmony a 12 string has. WOW was all I could say. He actually laid the course of many of my words by that one gift. I wasn't ready for a permanent relationship with him although we talked about it in depth. He probably was one of the great men I did miss.

Throughout the years when ever I had cable installed this one guy Mike was always the one to put it in. He always left a good impression and a smile when he left. Edie was working at a clothing store and got to know him too. She found out he had a band and suggested he contact me. When he found out who I was he remembered me also. His brother Bob (don't laugh at the name LOL) was the one sort of in charge of the group and he told him..." I know this blonde who plays 12 string guitar. We should listen to her and get her in the group." His brother said "No way!!.. if we get a girl in the group someone will end up falling in love with her and marry her and the group will end."  But I got a call from him... and we set a date for me to try out. I was nervous but waited patiently for him to pick me up. He pulled up in a green Chevy Vega wagon and off we went to practice at Mike's house. In a small bedroom in the country music was made. I became that night the lead singer. The band consisted of a drummer, organ-moog player, bass guitar, lead guitar (what Bob played) and another guitar player. Three nights a week we gathered there and Bob and I became dear friends. He was waiting for someone who was planning a divorce but the more time we spent together the more I liked him.  He was easy going and we loved sitting and playing music together. Him and I did great harmony and after a few months I knew he was a good man. He didn't want to make a commitment. I remember he said "Make no promises ...break no hearts"  I decided to go off on my own some and so I started singing in a dinner bar where I did a solo. Boy, I had to make myself sit there and play and sing. I made good money at it and so I kept at it.  One night while I was singing Bob came and sat in with me. We played "I have to say I love you in a love song" by Jim Croce. That night I knew he was a special person in my life. Sometimes the bar would be packed and so I asked that the band be booked. It was called "Jude"  I was really nervous now and way before we were to perform I was there waiting. LOL  It went well and we had a blast. We played there and for the March of Dimes on TV and he asked me to marry him. I don't believe either of us was deeply in love but we were good together so we bought a house together and got married in May.  We both loved to entertain and would have friends over and sing and Bob and I would write. Soon I became pregnant with my last child. Bob had the name picked out for he always wanted a son named Jeremiah. On Christmas Eve his wish came true and Jeremiah Robert was born on the same day as my mothers birthday was. Bob went in the delivery room with me and when we came home was so sick. LOL  I had to take care of him and the baby. :o)  

Our life was good with each other and there are songs I have written for him. He was not such a romantic man but had a good heart and very kind. He loved his son very much and we begin to watch him grow. Jeremiah's hair was brown when born but changed to blonde and curly and we loved it.  I stayed at home and would sing and dance with him.  He was such a good baby and I didn't want to miss out this time around on all the little things. He was very good to Julie and she adored him. So now a family after all the trials I was content. I kept writing and sticking them back in this little book.

When Jeremiah was three months we took him to the doctor.  The regular doctor he saw was away so a substitute saw him. He checked him over and asked me. " Is this baby a good baby...and I said yes he is."  He then when the exam was over told me... well, I think he is too good.  I think he may have a problem. I had no idea what that meant. He said he wanted to do some tests but he suspected Hypothyroidism. He said the signs were an oversize tongue and his actions. I didn't have a clue what it was and went through pictures of me with any I could find with my tongue but the tests proved to be true. He was born with just a trace of a thyroid.  I never knew how important one little gland was but it controlled every cell in the body.  The doctor was concerned about any damage done in the three months before. But if he had not caught it the effects would have been mongolism. At that time Indiana did not require a blood test at birth that would have told the problem.  From then on he started taking pills to correct it and would go for blood tests all the time. It was so hard to watch them try to get blood from here and there. The dosage would change and Jeremiah would vomit it up and so keeping it regulated wasn't easy. But time passed and he grew and it seemed like things would be fine. Once with an ear infection he begin to run a very high fever and it being the dead of winter I bundled him up. On the way to the hospital his eyes rolled back in his head and I thought he was dying. Bob got turned around in the hospital parking lot and I jumped out with the baby and ran across to the emergency room. He had a convulsion and me having bundled him up probably didn't help. I had no idea at that moment if he was alive..and they kept asking me was he breathing and all I could do was cry. They put him on medication so that wouldn't happen again.

Then as he grew one of his testicles didn't come down so they gave him hormone shots for that which worked but threw him into puberty at an early age. I now had developed panic attacks and had gotten to the point I could not ride with anyone but Bob. The doctor said I had programed myself to be on 24 hour alert. I worried I would lose him and my life begin to revolve around this little boy.

Julie was the big sister who protected her brother and they would play for hours together dancing and singing. I saw me in her so easy.  I wanted to get over the fears I was battling so I pushed myself.  We went to church and I decided to try out for a play. I got the part in "Fiddler on the Roof" and was overwhelmed with the work it took to produce something like that. I had never seen the movie or been to a play. So this was all new to me. I had simple lines but the dancing was fun and it was tough to get through the lines but I loved it. Bob and I was at home one afternoon and had a call from school.  Jeremiah was having some sort of heart problem and so we rushed to pick him up. At this time he was in the second grade.

They told us he had complained in class and was told to put his head down on his desk. After awhile he complained again and luckily the teacher went over to him and put her hand on his chest. His heart rate was wild and they rushed him to the nurses office. We took him to the doctors office where they first asked if anyone had given him anything at school. His heart beat was way over 300. They slowed it down to normal but from there on the scenario would begin over and over.

The doctors didn't seem to know what it was and so for the next few years I was afraid to leave his side. It seemed like anytime I went out it would happen and I would have to rush to get him. We begin to do home schooling and I tried to teach him everything I had learned from life. At the age of 12 he could type better then me. He learned sales and I knew I had to find something I could do where he could go along. I started messing around with antiques and before long he could spot things quite well. We dabbed in collectibles and he had many animals to love. He was a very spiritual child and would wake me up with dreams he had ...but over and over the heart problem seemed to overshadow the future. One day we went to another doctor when he was 12 and as we told him about the problem. He got up and came back in a few minutes saying "I think this child has Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome " and wanted us to take him for tests. We did and sure enough they believed that was the cause. It required heart surgery which at the time was experimental. He came to me one day and sat down and said.." Mom, at my funeral I want you to play this song..." What a wonderful world " by Louis Armstrong. It broke my heart to think this young child wanted to plan his own funeral.  The day of surgery we begin to drive over to Indy. On the way that old song begin to play on the radio. Jeremiah looked at me and I at him. I couldn't believe that old song would even be played. I felt inside it was an omen for me not to have this done but I pushed it aside and we traveled on. Once in the hospital we signed papers and was waiting in the waiting room. There was music playing and I felt so unsure of us there. Suddenly that song begin to play again.....and I knew not to go through with this. We took him back home and hoped we had chosen correctly.

The problem continued when you least expected it and we were as close to Jeremiah as blood is to the veins. When Jeremiah was seventeen I was at an antique mall and had a page to come to the front. A friend told me not to be scared but they had taken Jeremiah to the emergency room.  I fled there finding out that he had been with Julie and her baby in the car when the heart problem started. Julie had gotten scared and told me later that she now knew how I must have felt all those years. The heart specialist that came told us it had now become life threatening and something had to be done. He told me a woman would call me and set up the appt and that her name was Mary. I waited for the call.  She was pleasant on the phone and told me this. Now when you get there ask them to page Mary ( I don't recall her last name) and they won't seem to hear you. So, tell them again and this time they will page me and I will come. I thought that was strange but when we got there it happened exactly as she said. She took us in a room and sat us all three down at a table where she started talking to Jeremiah.  She asked him if he believed in God and he said "Yes, I do."  She smiled and said,... "Good". Taking a pencil from her pocket and piece of paper she drew a picture of a heart and told him this.  "You have a short circuit in your heart and explained how it worked. Then she drew a X on the paper and said.."This is where your problem will lie and they will find it on the back side of the heart and that he would be fine and gave a name of a nurse in surgery who would be there for him. Jeremiah then told her.."I was suppose to have this done when I was young in a different hospital and she smiled and said these words...... "Yes, I know... I would have been there also." For the first time in a long time I felt at ease and knew in my heart her words were true. We went down to a sitting area room and waited. She came walking by and stopped to talk to him and asked him if he played piano. He said he did and she told him what her favorite song was on the piano and if he played it. I don't recall the song for sure.  This was a women who was not old and I could tell you very little of what she looked like. I know she had dark hair and as she walked away I noticed walked with a cane that had a white spray of flowers that draped down over it. Jeremiah was in surgery for several hours and when they brought him out and I saw him I started to faint. The doctor rushed me in a room and Jeremiah told his dad..... Is it mom?  He told him yesss and they both smiled at each other cause I never handled the sight of blood well. After it was all over and we went back to the hospital Mary was gone and no one seemed to know where she had went. I truly believe this was his guardian angel. He has not had a problem since and doing well and now has a baby girl of his own. :o)))))))))

Thank God for happy endings with children!!!!

By the way...my favorite Christmas story is "Miracle of 34th Street"

"Sometimes the pain we think we have forgotten can flood back within a few lines."

©belladora

Guestbook by Lpage    View My Guestbook

Back to Main Site