Chapter 7

When I was growing up moms usually stayed at home taking care of the house and the family. To do that job well it takes an extreme amount of time and work.  I honestly believe because of how we as a country have changed motherhood along the way seemed to be pushed back.  If a full time housewife/mother was to paid with a dollar sign I don't think an amount could be worthy of what her job contributes to the world. For she is the one who gives birth to the our next president, pastor, inventor, poet, painter , husbands and wives and best freinds.

Now with a child to care for and a life of my own to try to discover I begin to move forward.  At the age of 19 was one of the lucky ones for I was able to go back home to heal. I had bought this cheap guitar from Aldens a few years back for $20 and when I had received it expected to just pick it up and play it. My dad could play any instrument with ease and he when I was little had given me a guitar but I had no interest in it. Now after taking that guitar out of the box and not being able to play it I grew frustrated with it rapidly. I boxed it back up to send back but after my divorce from Willie I somehow ended up keeping it. One day I opened the box and felt different about the guitar and the desire to learn it. I bought a book that showed chords. My dad had showed me a few in 30 seconds LOL and I knew that wouldn't work.  I sat on my bed and begin to finger pick the chords it showed. My first song I learned to play was a Peter, Paul and Mary song called " You can't grow peaches on a cherry tree." After playing a few songs of others I wanted to play and sing what I felt so I begin to write little songs.

  I landed a job in a motel as a desk clerk, auditor and worked swing shift which consisted of all three shifts.  I enjoyed the work and my mom babysitted for Julie.  With her care I didn't worry at all of what my daughter would learn. My dad co-signed for me to get a car... a 1971 VW . dark green with no radio. But it was fun to drive and I met a girl named Edie. She was pretty and funny and we became great friends. She was 16 and I will never forget when her mother died she left her a little money.  Enough that Edie went out and bought a brand new bright yellow Chevy Vega. She had never driven before and had no license so I gave her a few lessons in the country. LOL  One night while I was at work I see this car coming up the lane. Yes it was her. LOL  I died laughing as she was backing in there yard trying to turn this thing around.  She went and got her license the next day.  Her and I would cruise and went dancing and one day met these two guys named "Bob and Bob". LMAO Both were good looking and both had corvettes. One silver and one brown. Edie and I had just got a third floor apartment together and I think we met them when we were trying to move in and they helped us.  We all four began hanging out and we both had a Bob for a boyfriend. hehe We had great times and I would serenade all of us with my songs.  

One day at work one of the executives from the motel came in. Later on that night he rang the front desk and asked me to bring him some towels. I grabbed some and headed to the room. He opened the door and smiled saying just put them on the desk.  I did and as I reached for the door he took his hand and pushed it shut. Before I knew what had happened he had me on the bed.  We struggled some and I told him to let me go. When I realized he wasn't  I begin talking to him trying to figure out at the same time how to get out. I knew he was rich and married so I chose that approach for my exit. I told him clearly," If you don't let me up and out of here... I will contact your wife and tell her."  Well,  it worked for he backed off. I returned back to the office and was afraid or ashamed of what had just about happened so I told no one. Three days later, after 2 years of working there, my boss told me I was going to be let go. I knew why but had already chosen to leave. I had already applied somewhere else for a secretarial job and felt I would get it. I told her the story and said I was leaving anyway. Back then sexual harassment was not taken so seriously.

My new job came through the next day for I went in for an interview. This lady was great and even though I had little training as bookkeeper ( I had kept my dad's books a little for him in his body shop) she hired me. I was to start immediately. I did secretarial, sales, bookkeeping in an appliance store. My boss Ron was an absolute riot to work for. His laugh and smile I shall never forget. He would tell me stories of him and his best friend Carl ... for they would go out together (both being single at the time) that were soooo funny. After three weeks I was running the store while Ron went to Japan.  I enjoyed that job and my boss a great deal. Our desks were back to back and we could talk and I could screen his calls etc. Good memories abound from him and those years. I traded in my VW and got a 1972 Green Camaro and it was the first car that felt like me. haha

One night while Edie and I were cruising ....back then a lot of the younger crowd would park in a shopping center parking lot close to where I worked. I was always kind of quiet and some people thought I was stuck up but that wasn't the case. I was just a little shy I guess. This night in particular I saw this man in a black shiny Monte Carlo sitting at the red light. I never believed in love at first sight until that night. He turned and parked in the lot and I wondered who he was. I was to find out for soon he was parked next to us and I was being introduced by a friend of mine. Richard was very handsome indeed.  Tall, dark haired and looked like Charles Bronson. He took my breath away with just his smile. He asked me out with this other couple and we double dated the first time. We went dancing and it seemed like our steps had been planned before we had ever met. I knew then I had never been in real love for this man from that day ruled my heart. He had a blue velvet round bed and I loved being in his arms. We were together from that day on and when we went to a dance club three weeks later in Dayton ,Ohio he purposed and I said yes. I would have married him that first night as crazy as it sounds. He had captured a part of me I never knew existed. He was romantic, fun, creative and I was his biggest fan. Edie married the man she met there and I still think of her often.

Richard had not been divorced long and also had a little girl but I wasn't concerned. To me that was his past and I was his future and we could blend them together with two little girls that would become friends. Julie and I moved into his house and I felt like at home. Julie didn't see her dad much at that time and this man wanted her to call him dad.  She was happy to do that.

I remember a big snow that fell and Richard and I walked to the shopping center from our home. It was a long walk but so beautiful outside. He bought a snow shovel and on the hill in the park he ran up taking the shovel and wrote "I love you" in the side of the hill. This was a busy road and the whole world that passed by could read three little words that were priceless. It is not the money one spends on romance but the effort to tell the world that makes it so special. Love is meant to be shared and not hidden.

Within two months I noticed a change happening. I saw it between him and my daughter. Then one night he told me he would prefer she didn't call him dad for he wasn't him. I was torn between two different types of strong love. I begin leaving my daughter at my mom's more... afraid she would see or feel what was happening. I had hoped I could make him see my love for him was different but things only got worse with the months. During this I begin to write more. He told me I loved him too much. :(  We had a corvette then and people who have vettes wave at each other. What I found was a man who was extremely jealous of any type of love and one day told me to choose between the two.... him and my daughter. Naturally there was no choice involved and I left. It took me years to get over that love yet I am grateful to know I can love at that depth. Over twenty years later my page "Breathe" plays a song that was mine to him and was my first page where I wrote about love. It is to this day one of my most popular ones...not sure why..but maybe whoever reads it can feel love. I now realize he had not healed from his divorce and I have no idea what ever happened to him but I do hope he is happy.

"Yoteamo"

Once again I went back home....

"The essence of true love hangs in the air like a morning fog that we never forget but should be thankful we experienced"

©belladora

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