Chapter 10

My personal life was full of trials which included my father who a couple years back had be stricken with a stroke. This was when Bob and I lived in the 2 room apartment above them with 2 kids. He set up an intercom and my dad would buzz me at all hours of the night just to ask what I was doing and to say he couldn't sleep. I would go down and we would talk and I would let the cat "Mikey" in. He loved his cat a great deal.  I had grew up with a strong love for my father yet afraid of him as I grew older. He begin to drink more as he got older and sometimes could be very tough on me. But we all loved him just the same .

I recall a time when I was 16 and mom, dad and me had went on vacation to Florida. I didn't really want to go but wasn't allow to stay home and I had just got my drivers licence not long before and so we planned on renting a car and doing some fun things on our own but things didn't work out that way. My mother didn't drive. Dad was drinking a lot the whole time and so the trip down there was not that much fun.

On the way home we were driving through the mountains and he begin to weave and his eyes would hardly stay open. Mom and I both became worried and scared. I was sitting in the back of this van we had..the kind where the motor was between the two front seats. Mom pleaded with him to pull over and let me drive but there was nothing but a definite no answer. We continued on and I became more afraid ...not just for me but for them.  He had ran out of liquor and asked me for another bottle which was in the back of the van close to me. I was sitting there in my seatbelt and trying to figure out how to get us safely out of this problem.  I didn't respond when he asked and he grew angry ... and yelled at me to get it.  I had to take a stand at that moment for three people were in that vehicle....not just him. So, as much guts as it took for me to find I told him plainly. "If you mess with me I will throw it over the mountain."

Boy, did that not sit good.  He was livid and I knew I was in for a good whipping but I decided at least I would be spanked for doing what needed to be done. I had to unbuckle the seat belt while he was stopping the van and yelling. I grabbed the bottle..slid open the door and flung it as far as I could.  Then the smart thing was to run... and that I did. Out of the van and up a hill. I sat there watching now trying to figure out what to do next. He was yelling and mom was crying so that created another problem.

I was afraid she would have a heart attack (she had one in the past) and I was also afraid for me. So, which demand out weighed the other was the big question. Mom told me not too worry and to please come down so I did. Dad made me sit on top of the engine all the way home and dared me to touch some beer he placed between my legs. As we pulled out on the highway a state trooper passed going the other way. He turned around and followed us all the way to the state line.  We arrived home safely and years later him and I would come to laugh about that incident.

While taking care of him for a year I begin to see deeper into the man I admired yet frightened of. He never said "I love you" and so those three simple words I didn't use either. But this strong man now became more frail and begin to talk to me in those wee hours of his childhood and life. I watched him cry telling me stories of abuse and all the walls I had built begin to tumble down. I will never forget telling him "I love you Dad" and hearing it back. From then on we had a closeness that would never leave me. I wrote a short story called "A New Man" with thoughts of him. They moved to a town to be closer to my brother when Bob and I were working on all our properties.

It became impossible for my mother to care for him and the dreaded day of a nursing home arrived. He was a handful there too and I learned then nursing homes for the most lack a great deal. He would sometimes tell us about being hit and things he had seen happen. So, he was switched to one home after the other trying to find the right one.

Now I was alone... living with my son. I sold some things and bought a car and seldom went anywhere. My passion to create now overwhelmed my life.

"Never think it is too late to walk into the middle of a bridge and reach for a hand of someone you love or to try one more time. It may not work but you will be free from regrets"

©belladora

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